


Always Be Yours

by Lovesaphira



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: (for the most part), Braime - Freeform, F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Game of Thrones Fix-It, Jaime still leaves but he's not a total dick about it, MY EMOTIONS, POV Jaime Lannister, Post - Game of Thrones (TV), Scene Re-Write, Season 8, a tiny fix it, but like sad, cheesy as hell, lots of emotions, s8e04
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:06:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24856549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lovesaphira/pseuds/Lovesaphira
Summary: Set in s8e04:  Jaime has gone back to Cersei so many times now, like a game or a dance or a puppet on a string. This is the first time  it was almost too painful to go.
Relationships: Cersei Lannister & Jaime Lannister (mentioned), Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth
Kudos: 22





	Always Be Yours

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is brought to you by The Thing we all wanted Jaime to say to Brienne in season 8 but never did because he Had to be the worst person ever. 
> 
> I've had a lot of time recently to sit down and reflect on the last season of game of thrones. This fic is basically me desperately trying to make sense of Jaime leaving in 8x04. It's not that I think it was particularly out of character for him, it just felt jarring and I didn't know why. So I wrote this.
> 
> It’s a... softer interpretation of Jaime leaving Winterfell.

_I always wanted to be there when they executed your sister._

_…..When they executed your sister….._

_Executed your sister….._

_……I always wanted to be there….._

Those were the words swimming around in Jaime’s head as he woke. They’d haunted him in his dreams as images swirled around of the various ways Cersei would die at the hands of Daenerys Targaryen. Engulfed in dragon fire. Beheaded. lynched. Strangled with poison. Thrown from a tower in her own desperation. Sometimes she was crying. Others she cursed those who stood against her with her last breath. Sometimes she had no expression at all, a blank wall giving nothing away.

And the one that woke him before the sun had even risen was the mad king’s laughter ringing in his ears, mixing with Cersei’s chilling screams as the dragon’s flames turned green.

He’d known her death would be assured if the dragon queen won the war. And he was sure the Targaryen girl would win. Cersei's army may now include the Golden Company, but even with a somewhat crippled army, Daenerys Targaryen had dragons. And Cersei only had men.

He had known it even as he had set out for Winterfell in the first place. And he had stayed behind now because he could not bear to be part of the army that would see his sister dead, regardless of how he felt about her.

And the child. Their child. Even if Cersei was hateful and he beyond redemption, the babe was innocent. It deserved the chance to live.

He couldn’t leave them to that fate. The dragon queen would be furious after the loss of her dragon. He couldn’t…he wouldn’t leave Cersei to face that wrath alone. Especially when she was with child. An innocent child.

No, he had to go.

He had to try.

It may not be a good choice.

But it was the right one. Perhaps that’s why it hurt so much.

His gaze wandered to Brienne, who was still asleep, and his heart almost cracked. His leaving would hurt her. That thought alone was almost unbearable to him. His feelings for her went well beyond respect and admiration. He was in love with her. It had taken him a long time to admit that to himself.

But he’d done so here in Winterfell. Because they could have died here, fighting the dead. But they didn’t. They survived. They were both here, now, alive, and life was too short to deny how he truly felt.

But then reality began to sink in. Of what he was, and who she was. Jaime could never leave his family to such a cruel death, and Brienne deserved a man as good her.

Jaime was not that man.

Not even close.

He was the kind of man who could never leave his sister and child to die, no matter how despicable and hateful she was.

A shudder ran down his spine as waves of emotion crashed through him. He’d gone back to Cersei so many times now. This was the first time that it was almost too painful to go.

But then he thought of the child.

And he stood, looking once more to Brienne, sleeping and peaceful, unaware that his heart was wrenching in two mere feet away from her.

He shook his head and quietly left the room.

With every step he took towards the stables, he had to remind himself that he was right to do this.

She was his sister. His family. Lannisters always looked out for their own.

She was with child. An innocent child, who did not deserve to be condemned for the sins of its parents.

If she died alone, especially at the hands of the Targaryen girl’s dragon, he would never forgive himself. The thought of anyone being subjected to Targaryen executions made him sick to his stomach. He’d sacrificed everything so that no one would have to suffer a similar fate ever again.

He could not bear the thought of Cersei having to face that. Not alone.

He was doing the right thing.

He was doing her right thing.

His horse was halfway ready when he felt her presence behind him before he heard it.

“You’re going back to her.”

He almost winced at the sound of her voice. He couldn’t face her. He was too much of a coward. So he continued to saddle his horse. “I don’t have a choice,” he said stiffly. He did not want to have this conversation. It was exactly why he was leaving in the middle of the night.

“You do, Jaime,” she protested fiercely. “You deserve to live honourably.”

He laughed bitterly and paused in his work, still too cowardly to make eye contact. “Do I? You must be the only person here who believes that.”

Brienne came to stand beside him, searching for his attention. It took all of his stubbornness to keep avoiding her. She took his hand in her’s and he let her. “You don’t have to do this. I know you don’t want to.”

He exhaled and finally turned to face her. “I can’t just leave her. She is still my sister, regardless of the things she's done.”

“She would not do the same for you," she said with the gentle conviction of a terrible truth. Her eyes were brimming fiercely with love and loyalty. No one had ever looked at him that way before and it threatened to tear his heart in two.

He dropped her gaze, wincing slightly. She was right, of course. Cersei had done everything in her power to convince him that they belonged together. That it only ever needed to be the two of them against the world. He had taken those words more seriously than she had. Lived by them, at a terrible cost. And she had never felt the same way. He had realised that some time ago.

He closed his eyes and shook his head, trying to rid himself of the painful reality. “What sort of man would I be if I left my family to rot?” His eyes snapped open in a glare. “Would that be honourable of me, Ser Brienne?” Perhaps it was unfair of him to snap at her.

No, it was definitely unfair. She felt so much love for him. He could see it so clearly in her eyes. He didn’t deserve any of it. And he was a master at pushing people away.

He returned to readying his horse. He needed to leave. Now. “I’m sorry,” he managed to murmur. “I have to go.”

Brienne wasn’t ready to give up. “She won’t survive this, Jaime. If you go back there, you’ll only die with her.” She said it with so much emotion, as if it were the worst thing in the world. But his death wasn’t the worst thing. It was his absolution.

“I know,” he said quietly. Wasn’t that what they’d always said? That they would die together, just as they came into this world together? He and Cersei had been promising this to each other since they were children. What he hadn’t expected, was for those words to be a curse, rather than a promise. He was bound by them, and unable to stand by and do nothing in the face of her death. Perhaps he would get her out and to safety. But if he failed…well…he deserved it just as much as she did.

Brienne must have read his thoughts, for she touched a hand to his cheek, a gesture that was so soft he almost flinched away. He was so unused to tender gestures. “I’ll go with you,” she promised, tears in her eyes now.

He swallowed and clasped her hand in his own. “No. Don't break your oath for me, Brienne. Your place is here, with the Starks. Cersei and I….” His voice cracked as he struggled to find the words. Raw honesty did not come easy to him. “She is a hateful woman. But I am no better. The things I’ve done-”

“You are not Cersei. You’re a good man, Jaime. You don’t have to run anymore.”

He paused. She was so desperate to see the best in him. His gaze softened, looking into her eyes as if she were his sun and stars. “You are the knight I always wanted to be when I was a boy. I think that’s partly why I was so cruel to you when we met. You reminded me so much of my younger self. I couldn’t help but admire you for that.” He tilted his head, considering her. “And envy you, I suppose,” he added with a shaky grin.

Brienne let out a wet laugh. “You insult those you admire?”

“All the time,” he said with a nod and a wry smile. His expression turned genuine, then. "I have never been good at accepting the positive things in my life.” He caressed her hand idly, looking into her eyes so that she could see the truth in them; the honesty that he rarely let anyone see. “And I owe so much to you, Brienne. I’m sorry I can never repay you for it.”

He could see tears shining in her eyes, and the hitch of her shoulders told him she was trying not to let them fall. Knowing he was causing her such pain nearly broke him. But he couldn’t stay. She was meant for so much more than him.

“Jaime….I-" She choked on the words, unable to finish her sentence. He didn’t need her to. He saw them in her eyes and now it was _his_ hand on _her_ cheek, trying to console her.

“I know,” he murmured. Tears stung in his eyes as he looked at her. “Cersei and I share a great deal. But you have my heart. It will always be yours.”

It was selfish to kiss her, he knew. But he did, brushing his lips against her’s and gently deepening it as she gave in to him, returning his kiss furiously. When they parted, he was almost tempted to stay. But he knew he could not.

“Please,” she almost whispered against his lips. “Stay with me.”

He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against her own. “Somehow I always find a way back to you. I hope that happens again.”

He took a step back, out of her embrace.

When he mounted his horse, she did not stop him. He paused and looked down at her. One last shared look. “Goodbye Brienne.”

Her breath hitched in her chest, but her eyes conveyed acceptance that she could not stop him. “Goodbye…Jaime.”

He nodded and then turned his horse to leave. He had expected to die here in Winterfell. The gods had denied him that fate.

He still had so much to atone for.

Now he would see it through.

**Author's Note:**

> *Shrugs* its very tonally different to Game of Thrones but, I’m just saying. I may have accepted Jaime leaving for Cersei if the scene had happened a little like this. I know Jaime was not a Good Guy or anything, but one thing he did have going for him was his sheer respect for Brienne, and if he just admitted how he felt instead of Leaving It To Subtext, I would not have minded nearly as much. 
> 
> Anyway.
> 
> I apologize for the cheese. I am not even a little bit sorry :)


End file.
